


Dream On

by Lilas12



Series: Alex Manes Appreciation Week 2019 [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Finale, Romance, Shared Dream, alex manes appreciation week 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-23 18:42:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18707770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilas12/pseuds/Lilas12
Summary: Alex has trouble sleeping. And he is afraid of his dreams. He always has been. Until he starts sharing his dreams with Michael.





	Dream On

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> Here is my contribution for Tumblr's Alex Manes Appreciation Week 2019 - Day 1: Prompt - Dreaming with a broken heart
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it. Happy reading!
> 
> Note: Thank you @bisexualalienblast! Love you sweetie!

**Alex Manes Appreciation Week - Day 1: Prompt - Dreaming with a broken heart**

**Dream On**

 

Alex had trouble sleeping. And he was afraid of his dreams. He always had been. He guessed that when he was a little kid and his mother was still around, he must have known quiet and peaceful slumber, because even if he could barely remember it, he sometimes had flashes of soft songs and bedtime stories and goodnight kisses.

But it had been a long time ago. Before she left. Before his father started to notice his son was quite different. Before he found the love of his life, only to lose him shortly after. Before the war, the fear, the blood and the loss of his leg. Before he realized that the person he had spent his entire life trying to protect, didn’t need him anymore.

Alex could count the times he had actually had a good night sleep in the last 10 years on one hand. And each time, it had been because he was with him. Michael. He had never felt more secure and peaceful than when he was resting between his arms. Only Michael was able to completely center him, like if the missing pieces of his soul finally clicked back together when he was around. He had once said that music was the only thing that could quiet his thoughts and change his entropy. For Alex, it was him.

Just him. Always.

But for now, Michael was gone.  _Not forever_ , he had told Alex. He would never be able to look away, not really. He needed time and space to figure himself out and Alex simply loved him too much not to let him have that. He had every right to happiness and Alex would always be there for him, but for the moment, their feelings were just… too much.

That didn’t prevent Alex from missing him, every day, every minute, every second. The loss he felt was so overwhelming, he couldn’t close his eyes without seeing his face. In the few hours of sleep he was sometimes able to get because of exhaustion, he always dreamt about him. He knew it wasn’t healthy to pine and waste away like this, but Alex was completely lost in limbo right now and, as always, Michael was his only anchor.

But, tonight was different.

His evening started with his usual routine: eat, feed Wentz, his beagle, and walk her until the sun set. Then, he sat in front of his computer to work on several algorithms while drinking an ungodly amount of coffee.

Usually, Alex would try and go to bed near 3 am, when his leg would go stiff and his body would start to cramp, but tonight, he was simply too exhausted and decided to retire in his room just after midnight. Maybe he had finally reach his limit because, for once, he fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

             _Everything around him was dark and painful. It was like he was lost in a cave filled with suffering. There were eerie voices floating in the air, but Alex was unable to understand what they were saying. It was too chaotic. Too loud. He was able to feel their desperation everywhere around him. Soon, the shadows started to seep into him, darkening his flesh, robbing his breath and crashing against his bones. The pain was just excruciating. How could anyone survive such agony?_

_Alex couldn’t stand it. He clasped his hands on his ears and heard himself shout, “STOP!”_

_The voices died down, only to be replaced by a very familiar one, “Alex?”_

_It was Michael. He came out of the darkness, tears in his beautiful hazel eyes and Alex felt his entire being scream and thrash._

_Just as Alex was about to force himself to wake up, he felt a wave of feelings wash over him. But they weren’t his… not entirely. It was pain and despair and guilt and so much love, he nearly choked._

“ _Alex… don’t go!” Michael asked, pleading._

_He stayed silent for a moment, trying to understand what was happening. It wasn’t a normal dream. Everything was far too raw and… tangible._

_Was it some kind of shared vision? Was it another manifestation of Michael’s powers?_

_Alex didn’t know why, but he was sure that what he was experiencing was real, like if they had been thrown into each other’s psyche._

_And it was scary._

“ _It’s scary for me too,” Michael said._

“ _Are we in each other’s mind?” guessed Alex._

_The answer came as a blast of feelings and pictures. The two of them in the Airstream, making love, arguing, talking (love, pining, angst, lust, anger, despair)... until the very last time they had spoken, a few weeks ago (guilt, regret, determination, pain, love). There was another vision then, of Michael, at the Wild Pony, going to her…_

_Alex shook his head and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see that, but the images and feelings engulfed him anyway. He couldn’t stop the flow. Michael felt guilty and brokenhearted. He kissed her and played music, but something wasn’t right. He wasn’t calm and his entropy was still running wild. But Michael pushed it away and went on, determined to convince himself he was doing the right thing._

_Alex choked on a sob and the pictures wavered into nothingness._

“ _Sorry…” Michael said, trembling._

_Alex looked him in the eyes. “Why are you feeling so guilty? It was your choice.”_

“ _Yes, but it doesn’t make the situation any easier,” Michael butted in._

“ _I thought that’s what you wanted,” retorted Alex._

_Easy. Shallow. Unburdened._

_Their feelings were swirling and mingling, crashing painfully and making everything so fuzzy Alex couldn’t think straight._

“ _It’s not what I want! It’s what I need!” Michael yelled and everything around them exploded, throwing Alex backward and_ waking him up.

Alex was sweaty and breathless, but very much awake. He could still feel the desperation that had erupted out of Michael like his own. His broken heart was pulsing wildly, as if it wanted to burst out of his chest.

Had it only been a dream? Because it had seemed so real.

Usually, when he woke up, the images and feelings he had experienced while sleeping would dissipate, evaporate. It was like trying to hold water with your bare hands. But the complete opposite was happening now. The more Alex thought about it, the deeper he felt.

Everything was hurting so much…

Right on cue, his phone vibrated, making his whole bedside table tremble. With shaking hands, Alex picked it up and saw it was a text. From Michael…

“ _Did you dream about me? Because I dreamt about you… Go back to sleep. I need to talk to you.”_

It sounded like melody.

And, unable to deny the siren’s song, Alex laid back on his bed and, as soon as he closed his eyes,  _he was back._

_The cave was still dark and oozing pain and turmoil. But it was less smothering than the first time. There were no shouting voices anymore, just the shattered breath of Michael. He was sitting in the middle of the darkness and Alex let himself fall next to him. They immediately found each other’s eyes._

“ _So, it’s real,” said Michael with a smirk that was only the shadow of his old one._

_Something painful came squeeze Alex’s heart at the sight and his eyes widen when he saw Michael grimace and press a hand against his chest at the exact same time._

“ _Did you feel that?” asked Alex._

_Michael nodded._

_Alex tried something else. He thought, “Can you hear me?”_

_Once again, Michael nodded._

“ _How is that possible?” Alex inquired out loud._

_He should be afraid to know his thoughts and feelings were out in the open, laid bare in front of Michael. But he wasn’t. He didn’t want or needed to hide anything from him. Not anymore. Like he had said before: he was done walking away._

“ _I don’t know,” shrugged Michael. “But I don’t want it to stop.”_

“ _I thought you needed to be away from me,” reminded Alex and with the memory, came the pain. The rejection. The betrayal. The bittersweet acceptation. The promise to move on…._

_He didn’t shy away from his feelings and saw all of them flicker on Michael’s face._

“ _It’s still true,” he admitted, something burning and raw bursting out of him to sink into Alex’s bones. “But it’s you. A part of me will always need you.”_

_Emotions burst out of them. Regret, want, love, guilt, resolve. On a loop. Over and over again._

“ _I told you I understood why you needed to do this,” said Alex. “And I do. But… a part of me will always need you too.”_

_Michael’s smile was warmer, closer to a real one._

“ _Let’s keep on dreaming, then,” he decided, holding out his hand._

_Alex hesitated only a second. If he couldn’t see Michael in real life, than he would settle for the next best thing._

“ _Let’s dream.”_

_He took Michael’s hand and squeezed._

           Night after night, each time Alex closed his eyes, he was back in the cave, with Michael. And when he woke up every morning, he felt rested and serene and he knew Michael was feeling the same. So, they kept on dreaming. Without the limitations of their physical bodies, their souls were raw and exposed to each other. They couldn’t hide or walk away even if they had tried. But they didn’t want to. They were finally able to talk. They sometimes fought. They often laughed. They also cried. But most of all, they shared…  _everything_.

\---------------------------------------------------

_Do you remember what she looked like?”_

_Alex knew Michael was talking about his mother. The picture of an old, bald women with soulful eyes floated around them._

“ _Yes.”_

“ _Can I show you how I saw her?”_

_Another picture appeared. She wasn’t old, but young and beautiful… Full of life. She was smiling with so much love it broke something in Alex._

_They both sobbed, holding on to each other._

_\-----------------------------------------------_

“ _My father woke up from his coma,” announced Alex, feeling fidgety._

_Michael nodded. He already knew. “What do you think he’ll do?”_

“ _Kyle and I will handle it, don’t worry.”_

_Alex felt a little shimmer of jealousy coming from Michael at the mention of Valenti. That made him smile and roll his eyes._

_Idiot, he thought and Michael glared._

“ _Maria misses you,” suddenly said Michael and it was Alex’s turn to look daggers at him._

_They both felt shame, regret and guilt at the mention of the barista._

“ _I miss her too,” admitted Alex._

_It was true, but he wasn’t ready to talk to her yet. But it would pass, he knew that. He loved her too much to stay mad at her forever. After all, she wasn’t completely at fault here and Alex genuinely wanted her to be happy. According to Liz and Kyle, she and Michael were actually good together._

_Alex heart squeezed painfully at the thought and he felt like crying. Michael felt it. They both shared a sad look and went on talking about a safer topic._

_\-----------------------------_

“ _I’m trying so hard to be happy. But I’m not, not really. Why do you think that is?” Michael asked._

_He was very melancholic tonight._

_Alex sighed. “We are both very similar, in a lot of ways. Deep down, you already know why.”_

_Michael stayed silent, but his soul burst with pictures and voices, echoing everywhere around them._

_Maria’s face…“not right.”_

_Michael’s smile...“not true.”_

_Michael, surrounded by Liz, Maria, Max and Isobel… “not you.”_

_Alex had a sad little smile. Michael was slowly on his way back. But it was still too soon. He wasn’t ready yet._

_\-------------------------------_

“ _You really are a bastard, Michael! I liked this guy! If you can move on, so can I,” yelled Alex._

_He was pacing in the cave. Lately, it wasn’t that dark anymore, it looked… softer. Clearer. But that night, the air was charged with anger and grudge. Michael was looking at him with a frown. Alex could feel bitter jealousy and indignation pouring out of him. But he didn’t care. Michael had crossed the line._

“ _He was a stupid fucker! You deserve better,” stated Michael, his own anger growing like a thunderous cloud over their heads._

_Alex took an angry stop toward him. “You don’t even know him!”_

“ _I heard enough! He just wanted to fuck you!” retorted Michael._

“ _So what? You are not my boyfriend! We are not even friends anymore! So, what if he just wanted a good fuck? Maybe that what I wanted too! My life is none of your business. Not since you chose Maria over me!”_

_Alex was breathless and he was overwhelmed by the angry waves of Michael’s pain and bitterness. That made him feel dizzy. He needed to leave. Now._

_\----------------------------------_

That night, Alex woke up in a sweat and he burst into tears, his heart squeezing painfully.

He forced himself to stay up for several days after that. He didn’t want to dream anymore.

_\----------------------------------------_

“ _You’re back!” said Michael, standing up, his beautiful hazel eyes shining with utter relief._

“ _I’m so tired, Michael,” sighed Alex._

“ _I know…”_

_Of course, Michael could feel him. He was able to sense how completely exhausted he was, over everything. His heart was still broken, still screaming his name. Alex hated himself for being this cliché of the pining ex. But he had tried to move on, he really had. For weeks and weeks, he had dated several guys and slept around and done everything in his power to forget about Michael. He simply couldn’t. Alex would always be hopelessly in love with Michael. No matter what. And he was done pretending he was okay. Because he wasn’t. His heart was still broken._

_Alex only realized he had dropped on the floor when Michael wrapped his arms around him to crash him against his chest._

“ _I’m tired too, Alex,” he admitted, bringing their foreheads together._

_Michael’s emotions were clearer than ever that night. He seemed more calm and balanced. His thoughts scattered around them, like little butterflies of light._

_I’ve tried… I’m exhausted… I can’t be without you… I need you… I miss you…_

“ _You are such a pain in the ass, Manes”, he sighed, his breath fanning over Alex’s lips._

_He let out a giggling little sob and they held onto each other. Alex was smiling between his tears._

_\---------------------------_

“ _I saw you today, with Kyle. I wanted to talk to you… for real.”_

_A wave of something searing and bittersweet exploded out of him and washed over Alex, taking his breath away._

“ _Why didn’t you?”_

“ _Because I hurt you and I’m a coward. It’s easier this way,” Michael admitted._

_Alex got lost in his eyes. “I hurt you too…”_

_They stayed silent for a moment and Alex felt something clear and pure come to life and sparkle between them. It looked like a little star. It felt like… hope._

“ _What did you want to talk about?” finally asked Alex._

_Their hearts were beating too fast and it became hard to focus on anything but the ever-growing star that shone in front of their eyes._

“ _We broke up,” he confessed._

_Time stood still._

_Alex was breathless. “Why?”_

_It was a stupid question, because they already knew the answer. It was fizzing and crackling all around them, lighting the cave like never before. It chased the pain away and allowed them to breath for the first time in months._

_But, despite everything, Michael needed to say it. He needed Alex to believe too._

“ _Because I have hope again.”_

_The star expanded, becoming scorching hot and bright as the sun. They both smiled and Alex felt like his heart was finally mending._

_\----------------------------------------_

_Alex found himself in the dream once again, but he barely recognized it. Because this time, it was completely different. There was no cave, but the cosmic wholeness of space. Stars, bright, full and beautiful, were shining all around him. The lingering darkness was no more._

_No pain, no heartache, no doubt._

_There was only truth. Light. Freedom._

“ _Hey Private,” said a very familiar voice behind him._

_Alex turned around, a big smile on his face, his heart soaring. “Hey cowboy.”_

_Michael gave him his usual, cocky little smirk and he walked towards him._

_He was finally back…_

“ _And I’m not going anywhere,” answered Michael before taking Alex’s face in his hands and kissing him._

_They were home._

_\-----------------------------_

Alex used to have trouble sleeping. He used to be afraid of his dreams. He used to have a broken heart.

Not anymore.

  
  
  


 


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